At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
