I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
