The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
