she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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