i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
