my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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