you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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