Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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