Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
