we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
