he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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