You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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