im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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