get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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