Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
