thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
