Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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