maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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