she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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