yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
