dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
