And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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