Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
