help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
