Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
