uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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