problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
