she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
