Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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