I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
