He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
