If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
