Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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