you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
