i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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