i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
