why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Text me some of your sweat
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