I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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