$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
