Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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