i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
