i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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