If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
