You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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