I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like eating out sand paper
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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