Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
