I just cut my nipple shaving
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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