It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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