she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
