clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
