oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
