please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
