Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
