What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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