It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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