She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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