I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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