Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
