If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
