i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
