I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
