You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
