I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
