____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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