how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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