totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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