your parents love me but you hate me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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