i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
