Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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