You can't special order awesome
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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