It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
