soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
