For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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