I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
