just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
