I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
