he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
