I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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