did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my child support on dildos
I understand Curling. That high.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize