it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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