When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
