woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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