Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
